If anyone is interested, I've moved on to a tumblr.
Here is the URL:
http://www.tumblr.com/blog/learnin-theblues
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
I got a cliche for you-
What is love?
Google it. You will find hundreds of thousands of entries that give you quotes from children, definitions from middle aged women and newlyweds, and links to the song "What Is Love?" by Haddaway.
You can find it all on google. But it's never defined as one specific thing-
How do we know its even a real thing?
Could it all be a big practical joke? Like a kid putting Seran wrap on the toilet bowl, did someone come up with it and think "That'd be fucking hilarious to see!"
Maybe way back in BC, Eve had a scheme. With her fucked up ideas and invalid utopia, Garden of Eden was created. This false plot created a wonderland that we see and are all caught up in nowadays.
Is this likely fable what we're living for? If not for wealth or knowledge, are we living in fiction?
Eve is living forever like the Voldemort of love and laughing her ass off every time we utter those god damn words.
Iloveyou.
What is love?
Google it. You will find hundreds of thousands of entries that give you quotes from children, definitions from middle aged women and newlyweds, and links to the song "What Is Love?" by Haddaway.
You can find it all on google. But it's never defined as one specific thing-
How do we know its even a real thing?
Could it all be a big practical joke? Like a kid putting Seran wrap on the toilet bowl, did someone come up with it and think "That'd be fucking hilarious to see!"
Maybe way back in BC, Eve had a scheme. With her fucked up ideas and invalid utopia, Garden of Eden was created. This false plot created a wonderland that we see and are all caught up in nowadays.
Is this likely fable what we're living for? If not for wealth or knowledge, are we living in fiction?
Eve is living forever like the Voldemort of love and laughing her ass off every time we utter those god damn words.
Iloveyou.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!"
Wow, it has been FOREVER since my last blog post. Wanna know why? Because I like ignoring this part of my life. I don't like how my summer has been going, and so therefore, it doesn't seem worthy to document.
But, I guess I may as well.
Kate was here for a while, which was just what I needed. It was like a vacation but not going anywhere. She and I always have a ton of fun, but this was just great!!!
First night she was here we went to Olive Garden, and when our waitress came back with our entrees, we had put stick-on mustaches on. She went hysterical. It was soooo funny. They kept on sending different waiters back, probably just to speculate. It was pretty hilarious, so I don't blame them.
We also got free cake outta the deal! HOLLA!
So that was a pretty great night.
Then..along came my birthday. And nobody knew it was happening because I hate planning stuff for my birthday because it never works, and this year I thought I had to take my bio final that night anyway.
But Kate made stuff happen. She forced me to go out to lunch and get my free sandwich from Hogan Brothers. [Mind you, this time we did not make the mistake of drinking 2 pitchers of Diet Coke. Seriously, don't ever do it. It is not worth the coma.] So then after that we ended up just hanging out on Bridge Square, and she suddenly said, "You know what this day is perfect for?" and I said "What?" And all she said was "Bubbles." So of course, we quickly ran to her car and headed for Target. There we purchased a bubble gun, a bubble wand, and extra bubbles.
Needless to say, we had a wonderful afternoon playing with bubbles. A little girl ended up joining us, and then chased me around the fountain about 50 times.
After that, I went to dinner with Emma at QB Club, then spontaneously went to the Frederick household and hung out with her parents..Emily had not yet returned. Then went home briefly, and returned with the ice cream cake! So we hung out there for a bit, her parents went to sleep, then the three of us hung out in the living room and me and Emma danced like crazy people. Emily, I hope you liked my lap dance. I thought it was glorious.
Then I went home, talked on the phone for about two hours to a certain someone, then just reflected on my day before bed.
I'm not one that likes birthdays AT ALL- I think it's a huge fuss just for nothing- but this year was an exception. It was really fun. And I got to spend it with some great people.
So, thanks to all you awesome people. :]
More blogging on real life things later, not just bubbles.
Also, everyone should check out my partnership blog with Jenn! It's new, and awesome!
www.atoothpastehangover.blogspot.com
It's about real life things, and you won't regret reading it. If you're following this blog, follow that one as well!!!
But, I guess I may as well.
Kate was here for a while, which was just what I needed. It was like a vacation but not going anywhere. She and I always have a ton of fun, but this was just great!!!
First night she was here we went to Olive Garden, and when our waitress came back with our entrees, we had put stick-on mustaches on. She went hysterical. It was soooo funny. They kept on sending different waiters back, probably just to speculate. It was pretty hilarious, so I don't blame them.
We also got free cake outta the deal! HOLLA!
So that was a pretty great night.
Then..along came my birthday. And nobody knew it was happening because I hate planning stuff for my birthday because it never works, and this year I thought I had to take my bio final that night anyway.
But Kate made stuff happen. She forced me to go out to lunch and get my free sandwich from Hogan Brothers. [Mind you, this time we did not make the mistake of drinking 2 pitchers of Diet Coke. Seriously, don't ever do it. It is not worth the coma.] So then after that we ended up just hanging out on Bridge Square, and she suddenly said, "You know what this day is perfect for?" and I said "What?" And all she said was "Bubbles." So of course, we quickly ran to her car and headed for Target. There we purchased a bubble gun, a bubble wand, and extra bubbles.
Needless to say, we had a wonderful afternoon playing with bubbles. A little girl ended up joining us, and then chased me around the fountain about 50 times.
After that, I went to dinner with Emma at QB Club, then spontaneously went to the Frederick household and hung out with her parents..Emily had not yet returned. Then went home briefly, and returned with the ice cream cake! So we hung out there for a bit, her parents went to sleep, then the three of us hung out in the living room and me and Emma danced like crazy people. Emily, I hope you liked my lap dance. I thought it was glorious.
Then I went home, talked on the phone for about two hours to a certain someone, then just reflected on my day before bed.
I'm not one that likes birthdays AT ALL- I think it's a huge fuss just for nothing- but this year was an exception. It was really fun. And I got to spend it with some great people.
So, thanks to all you awesome people. :]
More blogging on real life things later, not just bubbles.
Also, everyone should check out my partnership blog with Jenn! It's new, and awesome!
www.atoothpastehangover.blogspot.com
It's about real life things, and you won't regret reading it. If you're following this blog, follow that one as well!!!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Stuck
That is how I'm feeling lately. I feel like I'm stuck in this weird period of my life and I just can't get out.
I hate being home this summer, and I just hate being so upset all the freaking time. Yesterday was rough in that regard..all day I was working on homework at Blue Monday which stressed me out a lot, but for some reason I was in such a bad mood that I was on the verge of tears ALL DAY. Some things cheered me up, like talking to Jenn a bit, but then I went home and my parents had eaten my leftovers from Olive Garden. I know that's definitely not a big deal, but it was just inconsiderate and I hadn't eaten all day so I just got crabby and fast. So I went upstairs, then lovely Rachel called me. Thank god. She and I had a lovely half hour conversation and I didn't feel like crying anymore. Then I went to other Rachel's house and hung out with her and Spencer. We watched a horrible Lifetime movie. It was awesome.
Thennn I went home. And told my mom I was taking a car to get dinner with Emily. So I got in the car, got out of the driveway, and just burst into tears. I cried the whole way over blasting Fred Jones Part II..it was very sad. Then I slightly calmed down. But then I obviously looked terrible so when Emily saw me she was like "What's wrong??" And I just said "I am NOT good today" and just fell onto her shoulder and burst into tears. Then I cried for a good five minutes in her doorway and talked to her and her mom a bit. Then Emily and I got McDonalds, which was so disgusting, but I didn't even care. Then Emily and I kept saying "THIS IS MY DICK!" and other weirdly manly things...I don't know. That was a good way to end the awful day. We just laughed for a straight hour until I went home at 1. I think I needed it. I feel like I've had days when I've needed to cry a lot since I've been home, but I just needed to let myself.
So I'm glad I did..but now I'm just kinda realizing that I NEED to go back to school.
Hopefully Open Stage at CSP helps tonight.
I hate being home this summer, and I just hate being so upset all the freaking time. Yesterday was rough in that regard..all day I was working on homework at Blue Monday which stressed me out a lot, but for some reason I was in such a bad mood that I was on the verge of tears ALL DAY. Some things cheered me up, like talking to Jenn a bit, but then I went home and my parents had eaten my leftovers from Olive Garden. I know that's definitely not a big deal, but it was just inconsiderate and I hadn't eaten all day so I just got crabby and fast. So I went upstairs, then lovely Rachel called me. Thank god. She and I had a lovely half hour conversation and I didn't feel like crying anymore. Then I went to other Rachel's house and hung out with her and Spencer. We watched a horrible Lifetime movie. It was awesome.
Thennn I went home. And told my mom I was taking a car to get dinner with Emily. So I got in the car, got out of the driveway, and just burst into tears. I cried the whole way over blasting Fred Jones Part II..it was very sad. Then I slightly calmed down. But then I obviously looked terrible so when Emily saw me she was like "What's wrong??" And I just said "I am NOT good today" and just fell onto her shoulder and burst into tears. Then I cried for a good five minutes in her doorway and talked to her and her mom a bit. Then Emily and I got McDonalds, which was so disgusting, but I didn't even care. Then Emily and I kept saying "THIS IS MY DICK!" and other weirdly manly things...I don't know. That was a good way to end the awful day. We just laughed for a straight hour until I went home at 1. I think I needed it. I feel like I've had days when I've needed to cry a lot since I've been home, but I just needed to let myself.
So I'm glad I did..but now I'm just kinda realizing that I NEED to go back to school.
Hopefully Open Stage at CSP helps tonight.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Just Take Me Home
I hate being here.
This has been the week of all weeks. I have just been feeling down and blue about being here, and I hate it!! It's such a bummer! I want to be happy, and enjoying my summer, but that just doesn't seem to be happening. And it's not just lack of things to do here- it's lack of people.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and legit say what I'm thinking about "that one person" that isn't here.
Basically, I'm so scared that he's going to come back and not like me anymore. Kate was saying last night about how that's not true, and it's like when you know that there's cake waiting for you at home, and it's been on your mind all day, and you come back and eat it, and it's even better than you imagined.
But..what if it's not? What if he realizes that I'm NOT special, I'm NOT amazing, I'm not someone that he likes more than any other girl he's ever met..he just thinks so because he can't have me. At this rate, I guess I've been able to fool him and myself, but what about when he comes back? He'll be with me, and realize that I'm just..not what he's looking for or something. I'm not..what he was hoping for.
Ugh. What an awful feeling.
This has been the week of all weeks. I have just been feeling down and blue about being here, and I hate it!! It's such a bummer! I want to be happy, and enjoying my summer, but that just doesn't seem to be happening. And it's not just lack of things to do here- it's lack of people.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and legit say what I'm thinking about "that one person" that isn't here.
Basically, I'm so scared that he's going to come back and not like me anymore. Kate was saying last night about how that's not true, and it's like when you know that there's cake waiting for you at home, and it's been on your mind all day, and you come back and eat it, and it's even better than you imagined.
But..what if it's not? What if he realizes that I'm NOT special, I'm NOT amazing, I'm not someone that he likes more than any other girl he's ever met..he just thinks so because he can't have me. At this rate, I guess I've been able to fool him and myself, but what about when he comes back? He'll be with me, and realize that I'm just..not what he's looking for or something. I'm not..what he was hoping for.
Ugh. What an awful feeling.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Dreams
Kathy's post about dreams kinda influenced me to do this..
But I think it's a good thing to do.
So, as many of you know, I'm a music education major specializing in vocal music. I'm also a theatre minor. So from there, where do I want to go exactly?
I want to be great. Like, practically "one of the greats". Not quite as great as like, Anton Armstrong from Olaf or Rene Clausen or something, but like..as great as Dwight Jilek. I've talked about that a lot, I know, but it's something that just makes me wanna cry. I want to be great like that. I want to change lives and have people be really scared for me to go. I want to make a huge impact on people musically.
And there are so many people that hear my major and goals, and they're like "I knew you'd be a music teacher." So now, I have expectations to live up to. How terrifying is that??
A super far off dream of mine is to be a musician. Like, a recording artist musician. I think Adele, Regina Spektor, Christina Aguilera, and Ben Folds should make a voice baby and call it Resa. I want to, again, be one of the greats. I don't want to be so annoyingly famous that my tickets cost $80+ and I only play in huge venues like Xcel or something, but I want to be a musician that plays shows, and tours, and all that stuff. But to tell the truth, that scares me. I'm afraid of trying and failing. I don't write my own songs, and that's because I'm pretty damn sure I can't. But I will honestly say that I've never REALLY tried. I think I maybe could be great if I had a lyricist and composer type person..I don't think I have the talent to write that good of material, but I think my voice could do some stuff. I want original material though, so I can see how well I can do.
And with that theatre minor, I kinda wish it could be a major. But I just don't think I have time. Unless I really wanna stay in school forever. Which..I don't know if I do. Atleast I'm getting pretty awesome parts at CSP. That's helping and kind of replacing some classes I feel like I'd have to do that I'm interested in.
I just love performing and making Art. Music is art, the performing is art, theatre is art..I just need more of it. Somehow.
I just wish I was brave enough to go for it somehow. I don't even know how I'd go about that..but I want to be great.
Maybe that's really my only dream. It doesn't necessarily matter what I do out of those things I mentioned, but I want to be great and make a difference.
But I think it's a good thing to do.
So, as many of you know, I'm a music education major specializing in vocal music. I'm also a theatre minor. So from there, where do I want to go exactly?
I want to be great. Like, practically "one of the greats". Not quite as great as like, Anton Armstrong from Olaf or Rene Clausen or something, but like..as great as Dwight Jilek. I've talked about that a lot, I know, but it's something that just makes me wanna cry. I want to be great like that. I want to change lives and have people be really scared for me to go. I want to make a huge impact on people musically.
And there are so many people that hear my major and goals, and they're like "I knew you'd be a music teacher." So now, I have expectations to live up to. How terrifying is that??
A super far off dream of mine is to be a musician. Like, a recording artist musician. I think Adele, Regina Spektor, Christina Aguilera, and Ben Folds should make a voice baby and call it Resa. I want to, again, be one of the greats. I don't want to be so annoyingly famous that my tickets cost $80+ and I only play in huge venues like Xcel or something, but I want to be a musician that plays shows, and tours, and all that stuff. But to tell the truth, that scares me. I'm afraid of trying and failing. I don't write my own songs, and that's because I'm pretty damn sure I can't. But I will honestly say that I've never REALLY tried. I think I maybe could be great if I had a lyricist and composer type person..I don't think I have the talent to write that good of material, but I think my voice could do some stuff. I want original material though, so I can see how well I can do.
And with that theatre minor, I kinda wish it could be a major. But I just don't think I have time. Unless I really wanna stay in school forever. Which..I don't know if I do. Atleast I'm getting pretty awesome parts at CSP. That's helping and kind of replacing some classes I feel like I'd have to do that I'm interested in.
I just love performing and making Art. Music is art, the performing is art, theatre is art..I just need more of it. Somehow.
I just wish I was brave enough to go for it somehow. I don't even know how I'd go about that..but I want to be great.
Maybe that's really my only dream. It doesn't necessarily matter what I do out of those things I mentioned, but I want to be great and make a difference.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Smitten Kitten
That's probably the funniest phrase in human history, and I've been hearing it an awful lot lately, so I thought I'd put it as the title. Hee hee.
So the last two weeks have rocked. The weather has been gorgeous so I've been spending a lot of time outside with some girl friends talking about life. And by life, I mean boys. Seriously. I feel like that's all we talk about. It's like we've reverted back to middle school when all that matters was boys.. [side note, time needs to fricken speed up.]
So last blog post, I said I had boy drama. Well, obviously my life is still dramatic in that field, but that's because I'm a dramatic person. It's gotten simpler. In fact, it never should have been that complex. No no. Tooo much. Now my life is a bit more normal. But then again, how normal will my life really ever be? Yeah, don't answer that.
Hey- friends from CSP reading this..I really miss you guys. Sarah can't even read this because she's at camp, but damn I miss that girl. And of course her unreliability kicked in hardcore once summer began so we NEVER TALKED. Bitch.
Just kidding. She's wonderful. [But unreliable..:D]
I finally caught up with Megan today. I never hear from that little ginger anymore! But it was nice talking to her again.
Speaking of gingers, I also talked to Kathryn! She's also doing summer classes and as she so classily puts it, they are "raping" her. Bahaha. Love it.
And last but certainly not least- Kathy. I've been talking to her alot at the end of my day, and it's so refreshing and..awesome. She's so great to talk to. I've been talking to her about ALL my problems, even though they've been pretty minuscule, but it still makes a world of difference. I love that Kathy is always there for me. We didn't talk as much the last month or so of school because I was so busy, but since talking to her the last few days, it's just reminded me that she's there no matter what. And damn! I am so thankful for that! She is such a genuine person that cares so deeply about all of her friends, which is so fortunate for me. I don't even know what I'd do without her!
Ray Ray V, I miss you like a fat person misses carbs when they're on the Atkins diet. I really want to ramble to you about things. I miss doing that. And I miss our nighttime talks where we'd listen to music and either whine about our lives, or giggle ALOT. I'm excited to get a phone-call from you after you work tonight! I have things to ramble about! :]
Right now I'm just in Blue Monday again. Kind of neglecting homework, but frankly, I just don't care right now. My brain was melted slightly by last night's class session. I just don't care about cells too much. At all. BOO.
I'm just rambling now.
That's enough.
So the last two weeks have rocked. The weather has been gorgeous so I've been spending a lot of time outside with some girl friends talking about life. And by life, I mean boys. Seriously. I feel like that's all we talk about. It's like we've reverted back to middle school when all that matters was boys.. [side note, time needs to fricken speed up.]
So last blog post, I said I had boy drama. Well, obviously my life is still dramatic in that field, but that's because I'm a dramatic person. It's gotten simpler. In fact, it never should have been that complex. No no. Tooo much. Now my life is a bit more normal. But then again, how normal will my life really ever be? Yeah, don't answer that.
Hey- friends from CSP reading this..I really miss you guys. Sarah can't even read this because she's at camp, but damn I miss that girl. And of course her unreliability kicked in hardcore once summer began so we NEVER TALKED. Bitch.
Just kidding. She's wonderful. [But unreliable..:D]
I finally caught up with Megan today. I never hear from that little ginger anymore! But it was nice talking to her again.
Speaking of gingers, I also talked to Kathryn! She's also doing summer classes and as she so classily puts it, they are "raping" her. Bahaha. Love it.
And last but certainly not least- Kathy. I've been talking to her alot at the end of my day, and it's so refreshing and..awesome. She's so great to talk to. I've been talking to her about ALL my problems, even though they've been pretty minuscule, but it still makes a world of difference. I love that Kathy is always there for me. We didn't talk as much the last month or so of school because I was so busy, but since talking to her the last few days, it's just reminded me that she's there no matter what. And damn! I am so thankful for that! She is such a genuine person that cares so deeply about all of her friends, which is so fortunate for me. I don't even know what I'd do without her!
Ray Ray V, I miss you like a fat person misses carbs when they're on the Atkins diet. I really want to ramble to you about things. I miss doing that. And I miss our nighttime talks where we'd listen to music and either whine about our lives, or giggle ALOT. I'm excited to get a phone-call from you after you work tonight! I have things to ramble about! :]
Right now I'm just in Blue Monday again. Kind of neglecting homework, but frankly, I just don't care right now. My brain was melted slightly by last night's class session. I just don't care about cells too much. At all. BOO.
I'm just rambling now.
That's enough.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Summer Hath Begun
Well this is strange. I'm sitting on my front lawn with my dog, and I'm here until August. Eek. That's an awful long time. Luckily my sister leaves in about a week. She's changed, not gonna lie. Not necessarily in a good way either. I thought once she grew up she'd be really chill, more fun, and..just a better person. But she hasn't changed yet. She's never thankful for what she has, and she has no respect for my parents which just drives me insane. Yeah I'm sometimes disrespectful to my parents, but I never swear outwardly at them. That is just so extreme and awful! I don't know how my parents put up with it. Like, she is still depending on them for rent this summer, and if I were them I'd threaten to take away the money. But whatever. Not my kid. If I'm ever a mom I won't put up with that kind of crap.
So next on the docket- I'm home from my first year of college! How crazy is that?? I kind of wish it wasn't possible to go home for the summer. I have a bad feeling about this summer. I honestly just don't want to live with my parents. There is no freedom at home. It's not fair. UGH. Whatever. We'll see how things go.
And my life is pretty adult now. Like, I pretty much take care of myself, and I'm pretty responsible for my age. Most crazy is the boy situation in my life. Damn. I mean, I'm not going to talk about it here, but if you're a friend, we'll talk about it later. It's intense.
I regret telling my sister about it actually. I always regret telling her stuff now. I'm always like "I want to tell her!" then regret it, but this time I didn't even want to that much but she made me tell her.
Maybe we're just not as close anymore. Since I'm adopted I feel like we're forced friends and this is the time of our lives where we're supposed to drift, but since we're "family" we can't. That sucks.
But whatever. I don't really feel like my family is THAT much of a family to me anyway. I think after I'm out of college I'll be that family member that people are all like "Oh I haven't heard from her in a while" and honestly, it's kind of what I want. I don't need a family that isn't legit. I don't feel part of it, and it's not upsetting or anything, just seems kind of like a waste of time.
And I'm sick of my mom nagging about jobs. I've applied, I had an interview, and find out by Friday. I have backups.
And of course we have a family friend that needs a dog sitter all summer, but they'd want the person to live there, so of course my parents are like "ehh I don't think you'd like it". Whatever mom. It's room and board, money, and me NOT AT HOME. I think that'd be wonderful. I wouldn't ever have to be home..
AHHHHHH! I could just go home for dinner. And then run around Northfield all summer! That'd be awesome!
GAH. We'll see. I'm going to email them if I don't get the job at Bath&Body works. I find out about that by Friday or Saturday.
Tomorrow morning nanny interview.
Let's hope something happens here.
So next on the docket- I'm home from my first year of college! How crazy is that?? I kind of wish it wasn't possible to go home for the summer. I have a bad feeling about this summer. I honestly just don't want to live with my parents. There is no freedom at home. It's not fair. UGH. Whatever. We'll see how things go.
And my life is pretty adult now. Like, I pretty much take care of myself, and I'm pretty responsible for my age. Most crazy is the boy situation in my life. Damn. I mean, I'm not going to talk about it here, but if you're a friend, we'll talk about it later. It's intense.
I regret telling my sister about it actually. I always regret telling her stuff now. I'm always like "I want to tell her!" then regret it, but this time I didn't even want to that much but she made me tell her.
Maybe we're just not as close anymore. Since I'm adopted I feel like we're forced friends and this is the time of our lives where we're supposed to drift, but since we're "family" we can't. That sucks.
But whatever. I don't really feel like my family is THAT much of a family to me anyway. I think after I'm out of college I'll be that family member that people are all like "Oh I haven't heard from her in a while" and honestly, it's kind of what I want. I don't need a family that isn't legit. I don't feel part of it, and it's not upsetting or anything, just seems kind of like a waste of time.
And I'm sick of my mom nagging about jobs. I've applied, I had an interview, and find out by Friday. I have backups.
And of course we have a family friend that needs a dog sitter all summer, but they'd want the person to live there, so of course my parents are like "ehh I don't think you'd like it". Whatever mom. It's room and board, money, and me NOT AT HOME. I think that'd be wonderful. I wouldn't ever have to be home..
AHHHHHH! I could just go home for dinner. And then run around Northfield all summer! That'd be awesome!
GAH. We'll see. I'm going to email them if I don't get the job at Bath&Body works. I find out about that by Friday or Saturday.
Tomorrow morning nanny interview.
Let's hope something happens here.
Friday, May 6, 2011
Once Upon a Freshman Year
Currently I'm sitting backstage at the musical production of Once Upon a Mattress at CSP, and I'm just reflecting. What a year. I was talking with Sarah a bit about it last night and she and I were saying that sooo much has happened in the last year. "We were here in AUGUST!" [Direct quote from last night.]
Okay, list of random things I can remember from August through May:
1. Moving in to room 202S.
2. Getting out of the worst relationship in human history.
3. Meeting Sarah and company.
4. Tartuffe
5. Epic adventures with Sarah.
6. Feeling like I deserve to be treated right by a male figure.
7. Another bout of pain with the stomach.
8. CSP Christmas concerts..
9. Tonsil removal. [Grrrr.]
10. Moving back and having that wonderful night with Kate.
11. Getting cast in Once Upon a Mattress
12. Even better, that feeling when I got cast as Maria in UP.
13. The read-through for UP. [What a good day..]
14. The process for UP.
15. Eh, the process for Once Upon a Mattress I suppose. Haha it was fine, but not quite as magical.
16. Christus choir tour!!!!!!!!!!
17. BOE?!
18. Those few weeks of hell when I would have class from 10-4, then rehearsal from 4 to 10 or later. WOW.
19. Performing UP.
20. Moving on to just working on Mattress
21. Becoming so very close with Rachel V!! <3
22. Open Stage
23. Performing Mattress
That's all the reminiscing for now..
IT'S TIME FOR MY ENTRANCE.
Okay, not really, but that sounded hella dramatic.
Okay, list of random things I can remember from August through May:
1. Moving in to room 202S.
2. Getting out of the worst relationship in human history.
3. Meeting Sarah and company.
4. Tartuffe
5. Epic adventures with Sarah.
6. Feeling like I deserve to be treated right by a male figure.
7. Another bout of pain with the stomach.
8. CSP Christmas concerts..
9. Tonsil removal. [Grrrr.]
10. Moving back and having that wonderful night with Kate.
11. Getting cast in Once Upon a Mattress
12. Even better, that feeling when I got cast as Maria in UP.
13. The read-through for UP. [What a good day..]
14. The process for UP.
15. Eh, the process for Once Upon a Mattress I suppose. Haha it was fine, but not quite as magical.
16. Christus choir tour!!!!!!!!!!
17. BOE?!
18. Those few weeks of hell when I would have class from 10-4, then rehearsal from 4 to 10 or later. WOW.
19. Performing UP.
20. Moving on to just working on Mattress
21. Becoming so very close with Rachel V!! <3
22. Open Stage
23. Performing Mattress
That's all the reminiscing for now..
IT'S TIME FOR MY ENTRANCE.
Okay, not really, but that sounded hella dramatic.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Man, She's a Sexy Bitch.
What a night.
Last night I went to Bar Fly nightclub with some of my favorite girls!! Emily came up from Northfield again and drove half of the group. We arrived and not too many people were there, and it was FUN. It started off slow, but we had a big group so it was fun.
So basically, we got hit on a lot. Some were creeps, some were drunk gays, and some were mostly sober and straight! Haha so it was all fun. We all looked super cute too. We hung Sarah's nylons from the door hinge to the bathroom just to leave our mark! Unfortunately someone took them down though..
Emily and I were up til about three and she left by nine. I had rehearsal 10-12 then 1-5 today and I am SORE. My feet and ankles KILL. I twisted the other ankle in the character shoes I was wearing. The stupid floor in there got slippery so my ankle slipped out from under me. DUMB.
So right now just in my room icing my ankle..hopefully getting Punch with Sarah this evening..
Then maybe catching up on homework. And watching Thumbelina by myself. I need alone time I think. I've had a weird up and down week. Mostly just weird changes happening in my life. Nothing too drastic. I'm excited to go home though. SO soon. AHHHH!
4 shows, countless choir concerts, and 500 cups of bubble tea later..
I've made it through my freshman year of college.
[almost.]
Last night I went to Bar Fly nightclub with some of my favorite girls!! Emily came up from Northfield again and drove half of the group. We arrived and not too many people were there, and it was FUN. It started off slow, but we had a big group so it was fun.
So basically, we got hit on a lot. Some were creeps, some were drunk gays, and some were mostly sober and straight! Haha so it was all fun. We all looked super cute too. We hung Sarah's nylons from the door hinge to the bathroom just to leave our mark! Unfortunately someone took them down though..
Emily and I were up til about three and she left by nine. I had rehearsal 10-12 then 1-5 today and I am SORE. My feet and ankles KILL. I twisted the other ankle in the character shoes I was wearing. The stupid floor in there got slippery so my ankle slipped out from under me. DUMB.
So right now just in my room icing my ankle..hopefully getting Punch with Sarah this evening..
Then maybe catching up on homework. And watching Thumbelina by myself. I need alone time I think. I've had a weird up and down week. Mostly just weird changes happening in my life. Nothing too drastic. I'm excited to go home though. SO soon. AHHHH!
4 shows, countless choir concerts, and 500 cups of bubble tea later..
I've made it through my freshman year of college.
[almost.]
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I'll Sing
So it's Wednesday. We had Easter break last Wednesday through Monday, and now I have returned for 3 more weeks of school. I can't believe it's almost over! It's crazy. I'm super excited to get a break, but I'm going to miss my friends like crazy!! AHHH! And the musical has helped me become really close with some people too which basically rocks.
Over break I hung out at home alot with Lola. I miss that dog so much when I'm gone- it's pathetic really. I had a date with Spencer which absolutely rocked, caught up with some friends, but basically just gave my body a break.
Which is why I think I have a migraine today. I've been running on adrenaline sine about February and when I finally got a break, my body crashed. It just wants to sleep all day! Bummer, I can't. Today was my super easy day though. I haven't done a lick of homework, and ya know what, I'm not gonna until tonight when I absolutely have to. So HA.
In the last 24 hours I've had two rounds of music therapy. Not legit music therapy- I wish- but my own variation. Last night I was practicing piano and then just laid my hands out on random keys and played. From there I played for about 5 straight minutes of just random chords. Not even legit the whole time. I'd have something really dissonant playing with the left hand, then something light and delicate on the top with the right. It was so beautiful. And I just closed my eyes and played. It was amazing. I felt so relaxed afterwards. I don't know what made me need that so much, but hell, it worked, so I'm not complaining.
Today I have a terrible migraine, as I previously mentioned, and I just started listening to my old choir music. Right now listening to Abendlied, which of course rocks. And previously I was listening to good ol' Earth Song. Next I might listen to Selah. Speaking of Earth Song and Selah, another tattoo might be in the making. I thought of a totally original place for it too. So, maybe a birthday present to myself this summer? Eh, eh? We'll seeeeee!
Ooh. Now I'm listening to Seal Lullaby. So calming. Wow.
I don't know how I'll get through rehearsal today. It's a full run-through again, and my ankle already hurts, but now I have this S.O.B migraine. Gah. And I have a feeling that once I'm out and about, this migraine will the the kind that makes me burst into tears. Uh ohhh. Don't make me sad!!
I should meditate or something.
Too bad I don't know how.
I need my very own Yoda.
Over break I hung out at home alot with Lola. I miss that dog so much when I'm gone- it's pathetic really. I had a date with Spencer which absolutely rocked, caught up with some friends, but basically just gave my body a break.
Which is why I think I have a migraine today. I've been running on adrenaline sine about February and when I finally got a break, my body crashed. It just wants to sleep all day! Bummer, I can't. Today was my super easy day though. I haven't done a lick of homework, and ya know what, I'm not gonna until tonight when I absolutely have to. So HA.
In the last 24 hours I've had two rounds of music therapy. Not legit music therapy- I wish- but my own variation. Last night I was practicing piano and then just laid my hands out on random keys and played. From there I played for about 5 straight minutes of just random chords. Not even legit the whole time. I'd have something really dissonant playing with the left hand, then something light and delicate on the top with the right. It was so beautiful. And I just closed my eyes and played. It was amazing. I felt so relaxed afterwards. I don't know what made me need that so much, but hell, it worked, so I'm not complaining.
Today I have a terrible migraine, as I previously mentioned, and I just started listening to my old choir music. Right now listening to Abendlied, which of course rocks. And previously I was listening to good ol' Earth Song. Next I might listen to Selah. Speaking of Earth Song and Selah, another tattoo might be in the making. I thought of a totally original place for it too. So, maybe a birthday present to myself this summer? Eh, eh? We'll seeeeee!
Ooh. Now I'm listening to Seal Lullaby. So calming. Wow.
I don't know how I'll get through rehearsal today. It's a full run-through again, and my ankle already hurts, but now I have this S.O.B migraine. Gah. And I have a feeling that once I'm out and about, this migraine will the the kind that makes me burst into tears. Uh ohhh. Don't make me sad!!
I should meditate or something.
Too bad I don't know how.
I need my very own Yoda.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Plath, you bitch.
"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)
I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Day O' Singin'!
Today I get to participate in the Choral Arts Finale in the cities! We at CSP are hosting, so we get to hear a bunch of audition high school choirs, do some mass choir stuff with them, and best of all, sing in ORCHESTRA HALL! I'm so excited I could blow up. I cannot wait to sing in that space. That is one thing I've always wanted to do.
And tonight I get to!! YAY!
But..off to God of Carnage rehearsal.
More later I'm sure.
And tonight I get to!! YAY!
But..off to God of Carnage rehearsal.
More later I'm sure.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Train of Thought for Tuesday
Okay, it is no longer Tuesday, but I wrote this down and never officially blogged it.
Being non-chalant is so much easier. You decide you are, therefore you are.
You don't even know you have any other feelings. It's so much easier.
Being genuinely non-chalant is what I need.
Real "feeling" hurts too much.
My friends say I can't be a robot, but Wall-E still had fun didn't he?
I'm not gonna lie, being alone the last few nights- I've really missed your touch.
Distractions aren't even helping- I hate Princess and the Pea.
Speaking of which, I keep eating frozen peas, and now my teeth are cold.
"It's okay to feel" or so I've been told.
Everything in this room reminds me of you.
Guitar, wall art, iced tea. Yeah even that, it's true.
I wish we had never happened in some ways.
But then I know this fall I would have been mad at myself for days.
I guess what I could say is..
Thank you.
Cheesy, I know.
But believe me it's true.
I don't know what I could have done without you.
Being non-chalant is so much easier. You decide you are, therefore you are.
You don't even know you have any other feelings. It's so much easier.
Being genuinely non-chalant is what I need.
Real "feeling" hurts too much.
My friends say I can't be a robot, but Wall-E still had fun didn't he?
I'm not gonna lie, being alone the last few nights- I've really missed your touch.
Distractions aren't even helping- I hate Princess and the Pea.
Speaking of which, I keep eating frozen peas, and now my teeth are cold.
"It's okay to feel" or so I've been told.
Everything in this room reminds me of you.
Guitar, wall art, iced tea. Yeah even that, it's true.
I wish we had never happened in some ways.
But then I know this fall I would have been mad at myself for days.
I guess what I could say is..
Thank you.
Cheesy, I know.
But believe me it's true.
I don't know what I could have done without you.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Onward and UPward
Wow. I can't believe UP is over already..
I feel like we JUST started. I hate this feeling- it's terrible. I feel accomplished as hell, yeah, but..I just want it back. I know Becky made a huge impact on all of us, and I felt sooo connected to the entire cast. I knew Danessa, Jacob, and Shane previously, but I got alot closer to them. I knew JP from choir, but he always saw me in my most cheery moments backstage when I had just done a scene and was flying on happy brain juices. (ew). Someone I will never forget, is Jessica. She's in the graduate program here, and she just decided to jump in with acting so she can make it to film. She's 31 I think, and that is such a great thing for her to do! I mean, she's going for her dream at 31! How courageous is that?! Damn. I hope to be like her some day. She was so sweet all the time, and worked harder than all of us to make sure she did well. And let me tell you, she exceeded my expectations considering she'd never acted before. Wow. She was a stunner.
I just texted Danessa and said I missed her already, and my goodness I do. Before the show, I'd have girl talk with Danessa and Jessica, and that I will never forget. It felt like we were old friends just having regular conversation. I love them both so much.
And you know what?
So much of my life was fucked up before this show, to say the least, and..I may be out of that. I think it's over. I think this experience needed to happen so I could get over some stuff and get over a freshman year bump. I've decided I won't be transferring ever, but waiting til after college to move, adding a theatre minor, and..making some personal decisions. I'm finally in a place where I really don't need anybody else but myself. The fact that I'm so stable right now is just showing me that I can be great when I work really hard. This whole show expresses that. I worked my ass off because I could NOT let anyone down. I think it showed too. The first show, the audience thought I was hilarious, and I savored the sound of their laughter when I was in between lines. I loved that they were sooo into the show. When there were plot twists, they'd react SO big. When Michael burns the chair, someone behind Becky said "Oh god, no!" And when Michael told Maria that he loves her, I heard SO many gasps it was crazy. I loved every minute of that show.
I wish I could go back and do it over and over.
I love the story, I love the characters, I love the feeling.
I love UP.
I feel like we JUST started. I hate this feeling- it's terrible. I feel accomplished as hell, yeah, but..I just want it back. I know Becky made a huge impact on all of us, and I felt sooo connected to the entire cast. I knew Danessa, Jacob, and Shane previously, but I got alot closer to them. I knew JP from choir, but he always saw me in my most cheery moments backstage when I had just done a scene and was flying on happy brain juices. (ew). Someone I will never forget, is Jessica. She's in the graduate program here, and she just decided to jump in with acting so she can make it to film. She's 31 I think, and that is such a great thing for her to do! I mean, she's going for her dream at 31! How courageous is that?! Damn. I hope to be like her some day. She was so sweet all the time, and worked harder than all of us to make sure she did well. And let me tell you, she exceeded my expectations considering she'd never acted before. Wow. She was a stunner.
I just texted Danessa and said I missed her already, and my goodness I do. Before the show, I'd have girl talk with Danessa and Jessica, and that I will never forget. It felt like we were old friends just having regular conversation. I love them both so much.
And you know what?
So much of my life was fucked up before this show, to say the least, and..I may be out of that. I think it's over. I think this experience needed to happen so I could get over some stuff and get over a freshman year bump. I've decided I won't be transferring ever, but waiting til after college to move, adding a theatre minor, and..making some personal decisions. I'm finally in a place where I really don't need anybody else but myself. The fact that I'm so stable right now is just showing me that I can be great when I work really hard. This whole show expresses that. I worked my ass off because I could NOT let anyone down. I think it showed too. The first show, the audience thought I was hilarious, and I savored the sound of their laughter when I was in between lines. I loved that they were sooo into the show. When there were plot twists, they'd react SO big. When Michael burns the chair, someone behind Becky said "Oh god, no!" And when Michael told Maria that he loves her, I heard SO many gasps it was crazy. I loved every minute of that show.
I wish I could go back and do it over and over.
I love the story, I love the characters, I love the feeling.
I love UP.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Dumb.
If you think that talking is always the answer...
it's not.
I'm dumb.
And a hypocrite to myself. Worst kind out there.
Night.
it's not.
I'm dumb.
And a hypocrite to myself. Worst kind out there.
Night.
Monday, March 21, 2011
New Eyes
This play has been such an eye opener for me. It's completely changed me. I'm so much better off than before. All the people in it are so..genuine. I've never been with such an amazing group of people. I am so fucking fortunate, I could just cry.
Stupid, stupid Maria has really affected me. I mean, I love her, and I love playing her, don't get me wrong..but the connection is scaring me. So many things are similar with me and her, but the things that aren't, SO aren't. I don't wanna be a spoiler, so I won't..I will when the show is done.
I guess a comparison right now is that Maria's life was sooo hectic, and her stupid past was bringing her down, but the promise of a new baby has enlightened her. It brought it back. I think my "baby" is the show. It brought me back to life. I've finally transformed into mainly who I want to be. [For the time being, that is.] I don't dwell on my past anymore, and I'm so much more confident in myself. I'm worth it. Jessica told me so tonight when we put on our makeup. I'm worth so much more than just a romp in the sack.
God. I love that cast.
I cannot get over it. I'm much closer to them than anyone right now. Even my friends here- I never see them! But special shout out to my lovely Rachel! She and I have become SO close during music theory the last few weeks especially. She is amazing, and I'm sooo happy we're becoming so close. I don't know what I'd do without her.
She's always saying how worried she is about me when I haven't slept, ate, or done anything but rehearse. It is so sweet! I love that girl. I hope she and I are friends for a gooood long time.
Oh, it's official. I'm going to add a theatre minor. Wow. Random thought! Also I may study abroad in the summer. I think that may make sense with all my crazy ass credits now.
Okay, I'm beginning not to make sense anymore. And I'm talking to good ol' Chris. We haven't had a good facebook convo in weeks. Damn busyness. But screw work. I need some ME TIME.
Stupid, stupid Maria has really affected me. I mean, I love her, and I love playing her, don't get me wrong..but the connection is scaring me. So many things are similar with me and her, but the things that aren't, SO aren't. I don't wanna be a spoiler, so I won't..I will when the show is done.
I guess a comparison right now is that Maria's life was sooo hectic, and her stupid past was bringing her down, but the promise of a new baby has enlightened her. It brought it back. I think my "baby" is the show. It brought me back to life. I've finally transformed into mainly who I want to be. [For the time being, that is.] I don't dwell on my past anymore, and I'm so much more confident in myself. I'm worth it. Jessica told me so tonight when we put on our makeup. I'm worth so much more than just a romp in the sack.
God. I love that cast.
I cannot get over it. I'm much closer to them than anyone right now. Even my friends here- I never see them! But special shout out to my lovely Rachel! She and I have become SO close during music theory the last few weeks especially. She is amazing, and I'm sooo happy we're becoming so close. I don't know what I'd do without her.
She's always saying how worried she is about me when I haven't slept, ate, or done anything but rehearse. It is so sweet! I love that girl. I hope she and I are friends for a gooood long time.
Oh, it's official. I'm going to add a theatre minor. Wow. Random thought! Also I may study abroad in the summer. I think that may make sense with all my crazy ass credits now.
Okay, I'm beginning not to make sense anymore. And I'm talking to good ol' Chris. We haven't had a good facebook convo in weeks. Damn busyness. But screw work. I need some ME TIME.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Dopamine
So in my speech today, I talked about music and the brain. Something I said was that the chills that you get when listening to music are actually dopamine levels rising in your brain and body.
This good feeling is similar to that of sex.
I learned senior year in anatomy that eating chocolate gives you more pleasure than a kiss.
Idea.
Music + Chocolate + Sex = Damn Good Time?
I love math.
This good feeling is similar to that of sex.
I learned senior year in anatomy that eating chocolate gives you more pleasure than a kiss.
Idea.
Music + Chocolate + Sex = Damn Good Time?
I love math.
Friday, March 11, 2011
No Clever Title
What a day. It was all choir related too.
Wow.
I'm feeling pretty "off" today. Things are not in the swing of things.
We drove to Chicago this morning, I saw my sister, and in the middle of my day with her, I got news from an old choir friend back home. Our choir director from high school would be leaving in the fall. I know he's a former choir director, but he seriously changed my life, and so many others. I was choking up all afternoon and then finally called my friend Spencer, and just let it go. I was stupidly crying while pacing back and forth on Navy Pier. I probably shouldn't be this upset, but I don't even care. He completely changed the Northfield High School music department. Our choir is now legendary. A few people from my current choir at Concordia know so much about Mr. Jilek and they're all "You're from Northfield?! Your choir is amazing!" and I was all "Hell yeah!" and now..I'm just sad. I can't believe the legacy will be ending. Unfortunately, I had to have a choir concert tonight. On the bus on the way to the church I was just trying to hold back my tears and compose myself so I wouldn't cry. So that was a bit difficult..and then things got worse.
My current director at CSP is kind of a cheese ball, not in a bad way, but hey, he definitely likes to say some meaningful stuff. So for the last concert at devotions, he says some things about each individual choir member. He went around and said some things to other people, and I was fine, then he got to me. He mentioned my past and where I came from and that it was a great program at NHS. That was just..perfect. I can't believe that was mentioned today of all days. I was going a little out of control in my head. Then he said that I have a beautiful voice and he wishes that he had pulled me into trying out for some solos. Wow. He also mentioned my energy and fun nature. All that combined just made me want to cry. So I did eventually. I couldn't keep it together anymore. My "talent" came from that amazing choir program back home. And now it's different. Poor old Spencer is a senior next year and Jilek won't be there anymore. I can't imagine how I'd feel if he left before I was a senior. Wow.
Wow. Emotional night. I can't even think.
Not today.
Wow.
I'm feeling pretty "off" today. Things are not in the swing of things.
We drove to Chicago this morning, I saw my sister, and in the middle of my day with her, I got news from an old choir friend back home. Our choir director from high school would be leaving in the fall. I know he's a former choir director, but he seriously changed my life, and so many others. I was choking up all afternoon and then finally called my friend Spencer, and just let it go. I was stupidly crying while pacing back and forth on Navy Pier. I probably shouldn't be this upset, but I don't even care. He completely changed the Northfield High School music department. Our choir is now legendary. A few people from my current choir at Concordia know so much about Mr. Jilek and they're all "You're from Northfield?! Your choir is amazing!" and I was all "Hell yeah!" and now..I'm just sad. I can't believe the legacy will be ending. Unfortunately, I had to have a choir concert tonight. On the bus on the way to the church I was just trying to hold back my tears and compose myself so I wouldn't cry. So that was a bit difficult..and then things got worse.
My current director at CSP is kind of a cheese ball, not in a bad way, but hey, he definitely likes to say some meaningful stuff. So for the last concert at devotions, he says some things about each individual choir member. He went around and said some things to other people, and I was fine, then he got to me. He mentioned my past and where I came from and that it was a great program at NHS. That was just..perfect. I can't believe that was mentioned today of all days. I was going a little out of control in my head. Then he said that I have a beautiful voice and he wishes that he had pulled me into trying out for some solos. Wow. He also mentioned my energy and fun nature. All that combined just made me want to cry. So I did eventually. I couldn't keep it together anymore. My "talent" came from that amazing choir program back home. And now it's different. Poor old Spencer is a senior next year and Jilek won't be there anymore. I can't imagine how I'd feel if he left before I was a senior. Wow.
Wow. Emotional night. I can't even think.
Not today.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
"Yeah, boys are idiots."
So here I am, currently in Katie's house in St. Charles, Missouri. I am with my beloved freshman ladies, and lovin' tour so far.
I mean, it's only day 2, but so far so good! Last night I had a great time with Sam at our host family's house. They were a really nice, young family, with the cutest kids. They were soo hospitable and sweet! They gave us a ton of food, and they set us up with the tv before they went to bed. Sam and I enjoyed the nice atmosphere of the homey living room and watched Teen Mom 2 and Jersey Shore. What a good evening.
Today was just driving and eating terrible food. I don't feel great.
But, I'm with great friends tonight and sooo happy for that! Honestly, I'm starting to get nervous for the opening of UP. It's two weeks after I get back. I can imagine Danessa on Thursday when she and I were freaking out. What a day.
Tomorrow we're doing a church service in the morning, then CITY MUSEUM. I'm so excited. I went last year with Northfield Youth Choir [HOLLA OUT TO YOU!] and had a blast. I'm planning on getting some post cards and stuff, because I am not risking my camera. No sir.
So, I think life this week has been pretty good! Things are going actually really well. Some things in my life are changing with some certain people and it's so far just wonderful. :]
The play is stressful, but I just love every single person in that cast. And I love the director. Becky is so sweet and she's an amazing director; I have no doubt that she's going to go far.
Wow. UP is going to change everything. I have no doubt. I talked to Sam about this last night. I don't even remember all what I said, but I'm excited. I'm excited to see myself in a different "place" when the show is all done.
Life right now is just a breath of fresh air.
I mean, it's only day 2, but so far so good! Last night I had a great time with Sam at our host family's house. They were a really nice, young family, with the cutest kids. They were soo hospitable and sweet! They gave us a ton of food, and they set us up with the tv before they went to bed. Sam and I enjoyed the nice atmosphere of the homey living room and watched Teen Mom 2 and Jersey Shore. What a good evening.
Today was just driving and eating terrible food. I don't feel great.
But, I'm with great friends tonight and sooo happy for that! Honestly, I'm starting to get nervous for the opening of UP. It's two weeks after I get back. I can imagine Danessa on Thursday when she and I were freaking out. What a day.
Tomorrow we're doing a church service in the morning, then CITY MUSEUM. I'm so excited. I went last year with Northfield Youth Choir [HOLLA OUT TO YOU!] and had a blast. I'm planning on getting some post cards and stuff, because I am not risking my camera. No sir.
So, I think life this week has been pretty good! Things are going actually really well. Some things in my life are changing with some certain people and it's so far just wonderful. :]
The play is stressful, but I just love every single person in that cast. And I love the director. Becky is so sweet and she's an amazing director; I have no doubt that she's going to go far.
Wow. UP is going to change everything. I have no doubt. I talked to Sam about this last night. I don't even remember all what I said, but I'm excited. I'm excited to see myself in a different "place" when the show is all done.
Life right now is just a breath of fresh air.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Nothing Worse Than Sorry
What a scary thing.
I feel like Maria is absorbing me. I feel like this part for me to play came at the right time in my life. I feel like now that I have to act this way, I...am.
Maria is so fucking nonchalant. It's amazing. I want to "swing with the changes" like she and her Aunt Chris do.
I hate when she talks about Jared. I just know how she feels. She's disgusted about the fact that she was as deluded as every other pathetic girl at their school. I feel disgusted too. I'm so disgusted with myself.
I'm not going back to who I was in September/October/November. I've gotten past the dwelling stage, I swear. Now I'm simply thinking. But..wow. She copes pretty well. She knows that it is what it is, and there's nothing she can really do about it, so..just go with it.
I wonder if Maria ever wants/ed to go back and tell Jared off. That's something I really wonder about. And I kind of hope she doesn't have so much of the dead feeling inside. Like I've said to Sarah, my relationship with that person was a tumor on my heart. It wasn't part of my heart. He was not in my heart keeping it going. He was just a tumor. Now that's over, the tumor obviously can't grow, but it harmed me for a while. Finally, it's dead, but I feel like I just have a bunch of toxic waste inside me.
And now I'm wondering the street.
I've been a fool, I've been cruel to myself.
I've been hanging onto nothing when nothing could be worse than hanging on.
And something tells me there must be something better than all this.
What a perfect time for this song to be played. I hate how much I have in my head right now. I just need a BREAK. I can't wait for choir tour next week.
I get time to spend with my favorite thing in the world: Music.
I feel like Maria is absorbing me. I feel like this part for me to play came at the right time in my life. I feel like now that I have to act this way, I...am.
Maria is so fucking nonchalant. It's amazing. I want to "swing with the changes" like she and her Aunt Chris do.
I hate when she talks about Jared. I just know how she feels. She's disgusted about the fact that she was as deluded as every other pathetic girl at their school. I feel disgusted too. I'm so disgusted with myself.
I'm not going back to who I was in September/October/November. I've gotten past the dwelling stage, I swear. Now I'm simply thinking. But..wow. She copes pretty well. She knows that it is what it is, and there's nothing she can really do about it, so..just go with it.
I wonder if Maria ever wants/ed to go back and tell Jared off. That's something I really wonder about. And I kind of hope she doesn't have so much of the dead feeling inside. Like I've said to Sarah, my relationship with that person was a tumor on my heart. It wasn't part of my heart. He was not in my heart keeping it going. He was just a tumor. Now that's over, the tumor obviously can't grow, but it harmed me for a while. Finally, it's dead, but I feel like I just have a bunch of toxic waste inside me.
And now I'm wondering the street.
I've been a fool, I've been cruel to myself.
I've been hanging onto nothing when nothing could be worse than hanging on.
And something tells me there must be something better than all this.
What a perfect time for this song to be played. I hate how much I have in my head right now. I just need a BREAK. I can't wait for choir tour next week.
I get time to spend with my favorite thing in the world: Music.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
So What's Your Story?
This play is seriously crazy. I'm getting in touch with some of the parts of myself that I've stowed away.
How fucking scary is that? I'm sooo much more over my past, but now I'm sadly able to use my past as a personal experience for the show.
Maria is talking about how this guy was using her for sex, then got her pregnant. I mean, that part is not true. But I feel completely used. I was not loved. I was an object. I was not treated like a real human. I was as "deluded as every other pathetic girl in our school".
Tonight my director, Becky, asked me how I felt about the scene. I told her honestly, that I actually felt really good about it. It came more naturally. I told her because it's sadly, more relatable. She told me she could tell that it felt more natural.
What a thing to hear from someone. It's natural for you to sound upset at the person you devoted your heart to in high school? I'm still mad. How horrible is that? Maria hasn't forgiven herself, and neither have I. She's "let it go" more, like her aunt says, but I still let it get to me. How can I not let it go? Hell, Maria could! And she's pregnant! The day after she told him that she was pregnant, he stopped speaking to her, and the week after that, he wasn't in school. She's basically over it, but now that the topic came up with her and Mikey, she's telling him all that happened.
Wow. Tonight, I'm not gonna lie, was a big emotional roller coaster.
This song has considerably calmed me down in the last few minutes.
Take a listen.
I feel kind of sick to my stomach. I feel so..exposed that I'm saying these things to an audience. I know it's not ME, but at the same time..it's me.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm scared.
How fucking scary is that? I'm sooo much more over my past, but now I'm sadly able to use my past as a personal experience for the show.
Maria is talking about how this guy was using her for sex, then got her pregnant. I mean, that part is not true. But I feel completely used. I was not loved. I was an object. I was not treated like a real human. I was as "deluded as every other pathetic girl in our school".
Tonight my director, Becky, asked me how I felt about the scene. I told her honestly, that I actually felt really good about it. It came more naturally. I told her because it's sadly, more relatable. She told me she could tell that it felt more natural.
What a thing to hear from someone. It's natural for you to sound upset at the person you devoted your heart to in high school? I'm still mad. How horrible is that? Maria hasn't forgiven herself, and neither have I. She's "let it go" more, like her aunt says, but I still let it get to me. How can I not let it go? Hell, Maria could! And she's pregnant! The day after she told him that she was pregnant, he stopped speaking to her, and the week after that, he wasn't in school. She's basically over it, but now that the topic came up with her and Mikey, she's telling him all that happened.
Wow. Tonight, I'm not gonna lie, was a big emotional roller coaster.
This song has considerably calmed me down in the last few minutes.
Take a listen.
I feel kind of sick to my stomach. I feel so..exposed that I'm saying these things to an audience. I know it's not ME, but at the same time..it's me.
I don't know what else to say.
I'm scared.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Here We Go
Wow. This week is going to go fast.
Rehearsals rehearsals rehearsals.
This weekend was a blast. We celebrated Megan's b-day, then Saturday I had a blast at rehearsal, then went to the Magnum Chorum concert at St. Thomas. I got to see my dearest Spencer. That was amazing.
Sunday I went shopping with my ma, which was really great. I got some much needed stuff for choir tour and some other unnecessary things.
Today I had a job interview at ULTA after a really really long day. I feel good about it though. I came back and did my homework, and since I've been just relaxing in my room. Listening to some awesome Pandora. I've found the best music tonight.
I don't have much else to say- I'm pretty wiped. What a day.
Friday I leave for choir tour! That is going to be SUCH a memorable experience. I'm really excited for that. I get to see my aunt and uncle that I haven't seen in years, and catch up with my sister in Chicago for some sisterly bonding time!
Mm. You should really try nutella and pretzels. Best combination of salty and sweet EVER.
Goodnight those of you that are reading this blog.
Sorry, it doesn't really have much purpose, huh?
Rehearsals rehearsals rehearsals.
This weekend was a blast. We celebrated Megan's b-day, then Saturday I had a blast at rehearsal, then went to the Magnum Chorum concert at St. Thomas. I got to see my dearest Spencer. That was amazing.
Sunday I went shopping with my ma, which was really great. I got some much needed stuff for choir tour and some other unnecessary things.
Today I had a job interview at ULTA after a really really long day. I feel good about it though. I came back and did my homework, and since I've been just relaxing in my room. Listening to some awesome Pandora. I've found the best music tonight.
I don't have much else to say- I'm pretty wiped. What a day.
Friday I leave for choir tour! That is going to be SUCH a memorable experience. I'm really excited for that. I get to see my aunt and uncle that I haven't seen in years, and catch up with my sister in Chicago for some sisterly bonding time!
Mm. You should really try nutella and pretzels. Best combination of salty and sweet EVER.
Goodnight those of you that are reading this blog.
Sorry, it doesn't really have much purpose, huh?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Busy Busy Busy
What a week. It is only Thursday, and I feel like I have endured 2 weeks full of stuff.
I had a lot of school work this week, lots of demanding classes, and a hell of a lot of rehearsal.
Also, Tuesday night I was up til 4. That was a stupid, stupid mistake. But not on purpose I might add.
Yesterday I also had rehearsal from 4-6:30, and again from 7:30-10. WOW.
Tonight I have more rehearsal, then tomorrow I have musicianship, then probably homework, then celebrating Megan's birthday. [WOO!] Saturday I have rehearsal for UP from 1-4, then Sunday at 11 my mother is picking me up for brunch, then shopping and a haircut. Finally ending the weekend with rehearsal from 6:30-9:30 for Mattress. If only Monday were easy. No. I have 2 regular classes, two private music lessons, 2 hours of choir, then I have to get ready for a job interview in Burnsville. Then most likely rehearsal.
Friday the 4th I leave for CHOIR TOUR! Hell to the yessss. That is going to be the most epic week ever.
I don't even want to think about what comes after Spring Break..
I wish I didn't know my fate. But I do.
Month of HELL.
This will be a real treat.
Anyway, that is the latest update on my life. Hopefully I won't completely abandon this blog until I go home in May. Oh yeah, I probably won't be home til I'm done with school in May. Shant have any time.
But that's okay. Unfortunately I'll really miss Lola. :[
Okay, that is all. Happy Thursday!
I had a lot of school work this week, lots of demanding classes, and a hell of a lot of rehearsal.
Also, Tuesday night I was up til 4. That was a stupid, stupid mistake. But not on purpose I might add.
Yesterday I also had rehearsal from 4-6:30, and again from 7:30-10. WOW.
Tonight I have more rehearsal, then tomorrow I have musicianship, then probably homework, then celebrating Megan's birthday. [WOO!] Saturday I have rehearsal for UP from 1-4, then Sunday at 11 my mother is picking me up for brunch, then shopping and a haircut. Finally ending the weekend with rehearsal from 6:30-9:30 for Mattress. If only Monday were easy. No. I have 2 regular classes, two private music lessons, 2 hours of choir, then I have to get ready for a job interview in Burnsville. Then most likely rehearsal.
Friday the 4th I leave for CHOIR TOUR! Hell to the yessss. That is going to be the most epic week ever.
I don't even want to think about what comes after Spring Break..
I wish I didn't know my fate. But I do.
Month of HELL.
This will be a real treat.
Anyway, that is the latest update on my life. Hopefully I won't completely abandon this blog until I go home in May. Oh yeah, I probably won't be home til I'm done with school in May. Shant have any time.
But that's okay. Unfortunately I'll really miss Lola. :[
Okay, that is all. Happy Thursday!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Friends from Home
What a day. Only 11:50 and I'm in a not-so-great mood. I thought this day would rock.
I just want to fast forward to 7 o'clock. 7 o'clock is rehearsal for UP. Last night we had our first read-through of the script, and I already know that it is going to be a fantastic production, inside and out. I know everyone but one person in the cast, so we already feel super comfortable with each other. Granted it's a six person cast, but still. That is a great feeling. I think we all are going to play our characters really well, which will make the actual show spectacular.
Speaking of which, I'm going to talk about my character in the show. Maria. She's a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl, and has basically fallen into Mikey's life. Last night the cast had a brief discussion on what we think our characters' roles in the story are, and in my opinion, Maria is the most chill, non-chalont, accepting person in this show. Even though her life hasn't even begun it's hardships, she has accepted it, because it is bound to happen. Now on the contrary, Helen Griffin still hasn't accepted her life even though it's not what she wants it to be. She continues to refer to her "real" husband and how he's so perfect, even though she's with Walter Griffin. She is living her life, and not even accepting that it is happening. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I want to be more like Maria. Right now, I feel like I am at a crossroads, and there is no end in sight. So many things have been going on in my life that I'm losing a grasp on things. Specifically at school..
I'm loving Christus choir, but I haven't had a "moment" yet. Those are so important to me, and I'm scared I'll never get one again. I like my classes, but I don't LOVE any one of them, which makes me sad. I also just can't seem to find my niche. I don't know who my friends are, and that is just making me desperately miss my friends at home.
This is actually for you- everyone I knew previous to CSP. Over Christmas break I became even closer to Sara, which I didn't even think was possible. We tell each other literally everything and it feels amazing. She has become a necessary part of me, and I cannot live without her. I wish she and I could talk for 2 hours every day, but sadly we don't have time. Sara, I just want you to know, that no matter what happens, you have changed my life, and I know we'll be friends forever, no matter what it takes. You have helped me sooo much this year.
A few weeks ago, my good friend Emma came to visit as well. We both desperately needed a girls' night, and we got one. We had a blast. Unfortunately since then, we've been missing each other a lot more. Hopefully she can come up and visit again, because she and I always have really stupid fun together, which is always memorable.
One more person. I miss my sister. She and I haven't talked more than usual, but I still feel really good about our sisterly bond lately. Whenever she calls me drunk, she tells me that I am the best sister in the world and that she loves me. Unfortunately, I never hear this sober, but Anna, as sober as ever, I just wanna tell you that you are the best sister in the world. You're ridiculous, and though sometimes I do want to stuff a sock in your mouth to shut you up, you're an incredible, respectable person. It's crazy that you're graduating this year. Even crazier that you might be moving. But I kind of hope you do. Not because you'll be farther away, therefore can bug me less, but because you need an adventure. It's time for one. And if you go anywhere, I'll come visit and we can run around like idiots together.
Well I think that concludes my thoughts for today..or atleast for now. I should probably do some homework, as I have time now for it! Maybe some lunch at some point. That might be good. Maybe I'll get me some Leanne Chin while I'm out. A wonton sounds heavenly..
I just want to fast forward to 7 o'clock. 7 o'clock is rehearsal for UP. Last night we had our first read-through of the script, and I already know that it is going to be a fantastic production, inside and out. I know everyone but one person in the cast, so we already feel super comfortable with each other. Granted it's a six person cast, but still. That is a great feeling. I think we all are going to play our characters really well, which will make the actual show spectacular.
Speaking of which, I'm going to talk about my character in the show. Maria. She's a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl, and has basically fallen into Mikey's life. Last night the cast had a brief discussion on what we think our characters' roles in the story are, and in my opinion, Maria is the most chill, non-chalont, accepting person in this show. Even though her life hasn't even begun it's hardships, she has accepted it, because it is bound to happen. Now on the contrary, Helen Griffin still hasn't accepted her life even though it's not what she wants it to be. She continues to refer to her "real" husband and how he's so perfect, even though she's with Walter Griffin. She is living her life, and not even accepting that it is happening. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I want to be more like Maria. Right now, I feel like I am at a crossroads, and there is no end in sight. So many things have been going on in my life that I'm losing a grasp on things. Specifically at school..
I'm loving Christus choir, but I haven't had a "moment" yet. Those are so important to me, and I'm scared I'll never get one again. I like my classes, but I don't LOVE any one of them, which makes me sad. I also just can't seem to find my niche. I don't know who my friends are, and that is just making me desperately miss my friends at home.
This is actually for you- everyone I knew previous to CSP. Over Christmas break I became even closer to Sara, which I didn't even think was possible. We tell each other literally everything and it feels amazing. She has become a necessary part of me, and I cannot live without her. I wish she and I could talk for 2 hours every day, but sadly we don't have time. Sara, I just want you to know, that no matter what happens, you have changed my life, and I know we'll be friends forever, no matter what it takes. You have helped me sooo much this year.
A few weeks ago, my good friend Emma came to visit as well. We both desperately needed a girls' night, and we got one. We had a blast. Unfortunately since then, we've been missing each other a lot more. Hopefully she can come up and visit again, because she and I always have really stupid fun together, which is always memorable.
One more person. I miss my sister. She and I haven't talked more than usual, but I still feel really good about our sisterly bond lately. Whenever she calls me drunk, she tells me that I am the best sister in the world and that she loves me. Unfortunately, I never hear this sober, but Anna, as sober as ever, I just wanna tell you that you are the best sister in the world. You're ridiculous, and though sometimes I do want to stuff a sock in your mouth to shut you up, you're an incredible, respectable person. It's crazy that you're graduating this year. Even crazier that you might be moving. But I kind of hope you do. Not because you'll be farther away, therefore can bug me less, but because you need an adventure. It's time for one. And if you go anywhere, I'll come visit and we can run around like idiots together.
Well I think that concludes my thoughts for today..or atleast for now. I should probably do some homework, as I have time now for it! Maybe some lunch at some point. That might be good. Maybe I'll get me some Leanne Chin while I'm out. A wonton sounds heavenly..
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Simple Joys of Life
Right now I am sitting in Sarah and Kathy's room with them, and Becky. Being here, I am definitely enjoying the simple joys of life.
First, Kathy brought back Chinese food for us, so I just had some lo mein. YUM.
Secondly, Sarah is making obscene sounds.
Thirdly, Kathy is having a super deep conversation on the phone, and I'm making up the other side to it in my head. It's grand.
Fourth, tomorrow night for Boycott Commercialism Day, me and some of my gals are going out to Cafe Latte for desserty yumminess! So dammit, I'm wearing my fabulous lacey dress. And while on Grand Ave, Sarah and I are going to smoke BCD cigars. [BCD is Boycott Commercialism Day. That is a lot to type.]
I just knitted a little bit too. HOLLA!
I'm going to knit me a scarf, despite what Chris says about spring being almost here. It's not.
Today I got new glasses. They are Ray Bans. And they are divine. My face looks great.
Also, I am so very super excited about the shows I'm in. Tonight was the read-through for Once Upon A Mattress, and my dearest Sarah is also in the show, so she and I are going to have oodles of fun!
I am also in the play UP. I play a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl! It's going to be my first big role, and I am ecstatic. It's going to be amazing. And three of my friends from Tartuffe are in it! SO YAY!
Okay, I think those are my simple joys of life for now.
Oh, also..future roommate bonding time is super awesome. <3
First, Kathy brought back Chinese food for us, so I just had some lo mein. YUM.
Secondly, Sarah is making obscene sounds.
Thirdly, Kathy is having a super deep conversation on the phone, and I'm making up the other side to it in my head. It's grand.
Fourth, tomorrow night for Boycott Commercialism Day, me and some of my gals are going out to Cafe Latte for desserty yumminess! So dammit, I'm wearing my fabulous lacey dress. And while on Grand Ave, Sarah and I are going to smoke BCD cigars. [BCD is Boycott Commercialism Day. That is a lot to type.]
I just knitted a little bit too. HOLLA!
I'm going to knit me a scarf, despite what Chris says about spring being almost here. It's not.
Today I got new glasses. They are Ray Bans. And they are divine. My face looks great.
Also, I am so very super excited about the shows I'm in. Tonight was the read-through for Once Upon A Mattress, and my dearest Sarah is also in the show, so she and I are going to have oodles of fun!
I am also in the play UP. I play a sixteen-year-old pregnant girl! It's going to be my first big role, and I am ecstatic. It's going to be amazing. And three of my friends from Tartuffe are in it! SO YAY!
Okay, I think those are my simple joys of life for now.
Oh, also..future roommate bonding time is super awesome. <3
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Loneliness
What a strange start to the semester it's been. So many things are different. I live in a single dorm, my tonsils are gone, and I feel like my relationships with people are changing. Not just at school- everywhere. It's crazy. Today was not a bad day per se, but it was odd.
I worked on theory with Rachel after choir, then went to dinner with her, then took another round of sodexho with Megan and Esther. After that, we hit up Target for me to get Cosmo. [Dignity, always dignity.]
After dinner, there was the girls gathering in my hallway. We had some pizza and chatted for a while, then parted ways. I had no homework, so I read my script for the show I was recently cast in: UP. [Everyone on campus and nearby should definitely come see it- I play a sixteen year-old pregnant girl!] Now, I'm sitting in my dorm, just..sitting. I was sitting staring a the ceiling for good ten minutes. In silence. Just thinking. Thinking about my life. What am I doing? That is all I am going to say about it, but what am I doing? And what have I done? Why has my life turned out like this?
Let's just say, this week is Regret Week. I have just been regretting so much, and it is just hitting me now. I'm not an emotional mess, I promise. But come on, what is up with me? I think that at this stage of my life, I need to get on track. I can't just let other people influence me. I need adventure, and I need it now.
My best friend from back home, Sara, and I were talking last night, and I decided that it would be good for both of us to take a few day trip and just have an adventure. Maybe not even talk to people from home. Just be with each other and figure out ourselves. Take a car, and just drive. Maybe drive aimlessly and stop after 4 hours. Then figure out where we are, figure out what to do, and just..be.
Be.
I like that word. I wish I could just "Be" sometimes. Like that quote I love..
"Sing. Be. Live. Be." I need to really apply that to my life more now. I need it.
Anyway, back to adventures with Sara- I want to just meet people. And talk to them for a few days. Just get to know them. Remember those days forever, and just have that in my mind so I can always look back.
This is probably the oddest blog post ever. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.
Let's just say I'm confused. Yeah.
And it just dawned on me that the title of this is "Loneliness". When I started this entry, I just automatically entered it. I wonder why.
Song listened to while writing: Listen
I worked on theory with Rachel after choir, then went to dinner with her, then took another round of sodexho with Megan and Esther. After that, we hit up Target for me to get Cosmo. [Dignity, always dignity.]
After dinner, there was the girls gathering in my hallway. We had some pizza and chatted for a while, then parted ways. I had no homework, so I read my script for the show I was recently cast in: UP. [Everyone on campus and nearby should definitely come see it- I play a sixteen year-old pregnant girl!] Now, I'm sitting in my dorm, just..sitting. I was sitting staring a the ceiling for good ten minutes. In silence. Just thinking. Thinking about my life. What am I doing? That is all I am going to say about it, but what am I doing? And what have I done? Why has my life turned out like this?
Let's just say, this week is Regret Week. I have just been regretting so much, and it is just hitting me now. I'm not an emotional mess, I promise. But come on, what is up with me? I think that at this stage of my life, I need to get on track. I can't just let other people influence me. I need adventure, and I need it now.
My best friend from back home, Sara, and I were talking last night, and I decided that it would be good for both of us to take a few day trip and just have an adventure. Maybe not even talk to people from home. Just be with each other and figure out ourselves. Take a car, and just drive. Maybe drive aimlessly and stop after 4 hours. Then figure out where we are, figure out what to do, and just..be.
Be.
I like that word. I wish I could just "Be" sometimes. Like that quote I love..
"Sing. Be. Live. Be." I need to really apply that to my life more now. I need it.
Anyway, back to adventures with Sara- I want to just meet people. And talk to them for a few days. Just get to know them. Remember those days forever, and just have that in my mind so I can always look back.
This is probably the oddest blog post ever. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense.
Let's just say I'm confused. Yeah.
And it just dawned on me that the title of this is "Loneliness". When I started this entry, I just automatically entered it. I wonder why.
Song listened to while writing: Listen
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Love of Mine
The most beautiful girl in the world.
The apple of my eye.
I would like to tell all of you about my one true love- Sarah.
I met her in September, and she has changed my life. She is my number one cuddle buddy, conversationalist, lover, and singing partner.
And let me tell ya, she's a girl who's ass does not quit. Atleast with me.
Let's talk about her features, shall we? Okay? Okay.
First- her forehead. She says its five fingers tall, but in my opinion, the bigger the forehead, the better the lover.
Second- her eyes. They are blue like the ocean and sometimes I get lost in their depth.
Third- her bootay. She says her crack is longer than most peoples', but I love it anyway. The uniqueness of her long crack makes her special. I must make one exception- I do not like the farts.
These are some of the things I love about Sarah. She is one of a kind. An individual. A beauty.
Okay..I know this all seems sarcastic, and it is, but seriously. She's one hot lady.
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.
PS I forgive her for not having enough hemoglobins. I still love her inside and out. <3
The apple of my eye.
I would like to tell all of you about my one true love- Sarah.
I met her in September, and she has changed my life. She is my number one cuddle buddy, conversationalist, lover, and singing partner.
And let me tell ya, she's a girl who's ass does not quit. Atleast with me.
Let's talk about her features, shall we? Okay? Okay.
First- her forehead. She says its five fingers tall, but in my opinion, the bigger the forehead, the better the lover.
Second- her eyes. They are blue like the ocean and sometimes I get lost in their depth.
Third- her bootay. She says her crack is longer than most peoples', but I love it anyway. The uniqueness of her long crack makes her special. I must make one exception- I do not like the farts.
These are some of the things I love about Sarah. She is one of a kind. An individual. A beauty.
Okay..I know this all seems sarcastic, and it is, but seriously. She's one hot lady.
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.
PS I forgive her for not having enough hemoglobins. I still love her inside and out. <3
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Home is Where the Spleen Is
I don't think my heart is at home. That is why I replaced the word "heart" with "spleen". It doesn't seem like I have a mold in Northfield anymore.
Northfield is a strange place.
I can't say I hate it, because..well it did make for a pretty decent childhood, but at the same time, it needs to up its game.
I have to say that some aspects of it, I just love. I love the whole unique-ness of it. I think that may be a reason why I really value individuality. For example, I just love Blue Monday. It's seriously another home. I've been going there with my mom pretty much since it opened, and whenever I'm home, I like to sit and absorb the atmosphere. It's also a great place for people watching.
I think ending up in Northfield again would maybe kill me. So many things about Northfield I'm glad were part of my life, but if they have to be again, I won't be very happy.
When I was home for Christmas break, I became incredibly homesick. For school. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? At school I live in a dorm, live out of a mini fridge, share a bathroom with a bunch of girls, and eat Sodexo. But seriously. It's become such a great home for me. I love my friends, I love Christus, I love the theatre department, and I just love being in the cities. The cities hold promise for adventure. [Shout out to Sarah Carpenter!]
Right now I'm thinking that after college, I am going to pick up all of my life here, and just move. Immediately after college is the perfect to try something new. I want to see if I like different climates, lifestyles, and people. I know some of you think that I'm just dreaming far ahead, but I need some adventure. Over the last few months I've decided that I'm one of those people that wants to remember everything and regret absolutely nothing.
So dammit, let's explore.
Speaking of which, who's up for a spontaneous road trip?
Northfield is a strange place.
I can't say I hate it, because..well it did make for a pretty decent childhood, but at the same time, it needs to up its game.
I have to say that some aspects of it, I just love. I love the whole unique-ness of it. I think that may be a reason why I really value individuality. For example, I just love Blue Monday. It's seriously another home. I've been going there with my mom pretty much since it opened, and whenever I'm home, I like to sit and absorb the atmosphere. It's also a great place for people watching.
I think ending up in Northfield again would maybe kill me. So many things about Northfield I'm glad were part of my life, but if they have to be again, I won't be very happy.
When I was home for Christmas break, I became incredibly homesick. For school. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? At school I live in a dorm, live out of a mini fridge, share a bathroom with a bunch of girls, and eat Sodexo. But seriously. It's become such a great home for me. I love my friends, I love Christus, I love the theatre department, and I just love being in the cities. The cities hold promise for adventure. [Shout out to Sarah Carpenter!]
Right now I'm thinking that after college, I am going to pick up all of my life here, and just move. Immediately after college is the perfect to try something new. I want to see if I like different climates, lifestyles, and people. I know some of you think that I'm just dreaming far ahead, but I need some adventure. Over the last few months I've decided that I'm one of those people that wants to remember everything and regret absolutely nothing.
So dammit, let's explore.
Speaking of which, who's up for a spontaneous road trip?
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Music
People reading this, whoever you are- you should know something.
A lot of this blog is going to consist of rambling about music.
First thing's first. This is the most powerful piece in history. Listen. It's the reason for my being.
Tea Garden
Today is Thursday, February 3, 2011.
Earlier, I was feeling pensive, so I started writing this list. I'm now going to tell you what it is.
Things I've Learned and Want to Remember:
1. You can't [and shouldn't] lie to yourself and for the other person in a relationship. I learned this the hard way.
2. If you don't get that legit "in love" feeling, it's not worth it. If it's dead-ended and you're not happy for real, get out. GET OUT NOW.
3. Follow your gut.
4. Do everything for your kids to make their childhood memorable.
5. Don't push falling in love. The more it happens, the least real it gets.
6. People may not get you through everything, but music will every time.
7. Music and Singing have been My Refuge- And Music and Singing Shall Be My Life.
8. There is no such thing as embarrassment. So..
9. If your friends are embarrassed by your actions, they just aren't real.
10. Finding a person to exchange random thoughts with makes a huge impact on your life.
11. Sometimes a mainstream relationship isn't what you need.
12. Relationships in any shape or form are not a chick flick. You most likely will not fall in love. Your heart will be broken, and you won't find each other years later.
13. Sometimes an old friend is what you need.
Earlier, I was feeling pensive, so I started writing this list. I'm now going to tell you what it is.
Things I've Learned and Want to Remember:
1. You can't [and shouldn't] lie to yourself and for the other person in a relationship. I learned this the hard way.
2. If you don't get that legit "in love" feeling, it's not worth it. If it's dead-ended and you're not happy for real, get out. GET OUT NOW.
3. Follow your gut.
4. Do everything for your kids to make their childhood memorable.
5. Don't push falling in love. The more it happens, the least real it gets.
6. People may not get you through everything, but music will every time.
7. Music and Singing have been My Refuge- And Music and Singing Shall Be My Life.
8. There is no such thing as embarrassment. So..
9. If your friends are embarrassed by your actions, they just aren't real.
10. Finding a person to exchange random thoughts with makes a huge impact on your life.
11. Sometimes a mainstream relationship isn't what you need.
12. Relationships in any shape or form are not a chick flick. You most likely will not fall in love. Your heart will be broken, and you won't find each other years later.
13. Sometimes an old friend is what you need.
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